3 Jokes

Airport Bar

A guy sitting was at an airport bar and noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, Wow, she is so gorgeous, she must be a flight attendant. So he decides to scoot towards her and try to pick her up, but couldn't think of a pick up line.

After thinking for a while, he turns towards her and says, "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gives him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thinks to himself, Oh crap, she mustn't fly for Delta.

So he thinks of something else and says, "Something special in the air?"

She gives him the same confused look. He thinks, Damn! She must not fly for American.

So next he says, "I would really love to fly your friendly skies."

When suddenly the woman, irritated beyond belief with this guy, barks out, "Man, what the hell do you want, Ehh?"

The man in a relieved voice says "Ahhh, Air Canada.

Airforce Base Customs!

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief,

"Ma'am," he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you?"

"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his interrogation:

"Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."

The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

 

Female Pilot

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did hear her right - is the captain a woman? I think I better have scotch and soda."

When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."

 

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