Aviation Philosophies

It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure.

Landing on the ship during the daytime is like sex. It's either good or it's great.

Landing on the ship at night is like a trip to the dentist. You may get away with no pain, but you just don't feel comfortable.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good crap. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

A checkride ought to be like a skirt; short enough to be interesting but still long enough to cover everything.

It only takes two things to fly, airspeed and money.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

If it doesn't work, rename it. If that doesn't help, the new name isn't long enough.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.

If it's ugly, it's British; if it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

New FAA motto: We're not happy, till you're not happy.

A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

The three most dangerous things in aviation are a doctor in a Bonanza, two captains in a DC-9, and a flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain: "Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do."

If you can get a hard-on on a night carrier deck run, you are one tough SOB!

And Finnally

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing:

"You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is."


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