West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in  Calgary , Alberta . Their cabin attendants make an effort to make  the in-flight 'safety lecture' and announcements a bit more  entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or  reported:

On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating,  you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard  time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, 'People, people we're  not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!'  

On another West Jet Flight with a very  'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen,  we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin  lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your  flight attendants.'

On landing, the  stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If  you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd  like to have.'

'There may be 50 ways to  leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.'

'Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We  hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you  for a ride.'

As the plane landed and  was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over  the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'

  After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario,  a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, 'Please take care  when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like  that, sure as hell everything has shifted.'

From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight  245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into  the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt;  and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out  in public unsupervised.'

'In the event of  a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a  small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with  theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your  favourite.'

'Weather at our destination  is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed  before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your  money, more than West Jet Airlines.'

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of  an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with  our compliments.'

'As you exit the  plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind  will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not  leave children or spouses.'

And from  the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased to  announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the  industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'

Heard on West Jet Airlines just  after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The flight attendant came on the  intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are  thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't  the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the  asphalt.'

Overheard on a West Jet  Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly windy and bumpy day:  During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it.  After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and  Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain in your seats with your  seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane  to the gate!'

Another flight  attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to  please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'  

An airline pilot wrote that on this  particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.  The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at  the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for  flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a  hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would  have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a  little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I  ask you a question?'

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'  

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'  

After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax  , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in  your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to  a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared  and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can  pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'  

Part of a flight attendant's arrival  announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.  And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the  skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet  Airways.'

Heard on a West Jet Airline  flight. 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section  on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke  'em.'

A plane was taking off from the  Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the  captain made an announcement over the intercom,

'Ladies and gentlemen,  this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop  from Winnipeg toMontreal .. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we  should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax...  OH, MY GOD!'

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain  came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry  if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight  attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should  see the front of my pants!' A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's  nothing. You should see the back of mine!'


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